I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
