THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
