Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
