there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
