Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
