i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
