How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
