I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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