my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
