oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
