I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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