doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize