about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
