If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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