Just cropdusted the office
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
