There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
