exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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