I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
