you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
