The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
