Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
