I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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