Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
where are my eyebrows?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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