Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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