I'm so fucking centered right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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