Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize