I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
