He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
