I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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