You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
there is puke in my bra ... again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize