it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We had to coat check the pizza.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
