I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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