He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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