im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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