if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
