You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
