Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
