The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
