...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunk is a universal language darling
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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