yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
