my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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