oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
