Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
