But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
