i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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