The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
