just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
