I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
