I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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