I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
