apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
