There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
