I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this is an emotional support booty call
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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