Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
