this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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