Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
