I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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