You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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