Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize