Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
