so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
